The Month After Christmas Diet Poem
Author Unknown 

'Twas the month after Christmas, 
and all through the house 
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. 
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste at the holiday parties had gone to my waist. 
When I got on the scales 
there arose such a number! 
When I walked to the store 
(less a walk than a lumber). 
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; 

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, 
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese 
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." 
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt 
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- 
I said to myself, as only I can 
" You can't spend a winter disguised as a man! " 

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, 
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chips 

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 
" Till all the additional ounces have vanished. 
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. 
I'll want to chew only on a long celery stick. 

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, 
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. 
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- 
But isn't that what January is for? 
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. 
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!"